I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
