we have officially mastered the walk of shame
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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