Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize