Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
