I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
