Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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