I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize