I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
