I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
