Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize