im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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