Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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