I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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