I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
