Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
tell me about the eggs
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize