I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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