can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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