sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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