who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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