You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
