you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize