Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
