he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize