You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
