Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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