I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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