You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
no more duck duck goose at the bar
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
