Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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