I think I just saw someone hide a body.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
