I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Randomize
