i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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