i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize