I wish I could punch you in the face.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
