i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
