oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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