the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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