Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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