Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
