I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
