You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
