My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
