so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
