I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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