did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
