I hate your face
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
