you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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