she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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