you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize