hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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