His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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