So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
