I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
