hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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