Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
