The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
