Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
