Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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