Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
