Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
