This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
