I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
