i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
