just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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