i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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