it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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