just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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