At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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