He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
