the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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